Let’s be clear. Aging begins from the moment we are born.
In contemporary western society, we tend to view the aging process as positive up to a certain point. The turning point is somewhere in that upward “moving target” that counts as mid-life. From that point, we tend to view aging as a negative process and something to be fought against.
We have all become strongly influenced by advertising for a plethora of “anti-aging” products, counterbalanced with a youth-obsessed focus. Medical efforts and campaigns to cure countless conditions and diseases have been woven into our everyday experience, which can create for us a strange unspoken expectation that western medicine will someday cure us of all diseases and even overcome death itself.
We may experience unwanted reactions to these “anti-aging” and medical messages. The reactions can include unrealistic and unattainable expectations for ourselves and for those we may care for. If our baseline is unrealistic, we can be much too hard on ourselves.
For example, for the person who is a caregiver of an older family member; guilt can become overwhelming when the older person’s health goes into decline. The flawed expectations of a treatment for aging and eventual death cannot be realized. This form of guilt can become self-debilitating and detrimental to the caregiver’s physical and mental health.
For those of us who are passing the mid-life point, our own thoughts can become self wounding and cruel as we find it increasingly difficult to fit ourselves into the a youth-based straightjacket as we age.
Moreover, other cultural conditioning can make it difficult for us to allow ourselves to be self compassionate. At a recent leadership training that I attended, the accomplished female speaker noted in an offside comment, “I have always found it easy to be compassionate for others, but difficult to be compassionate to myself.”
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Why be self compassionate about aging?
Self compassion allows us to be present in the true moment. It helps us to forgive ourselves, to heal our wounds and to appreciate our own best efforts. It allows us to be truly compassionate in our service to others. Self compassion frees us of unnecessary burdens, allowing us to age from our center of being with grace and with wonder.
© Anne Conrad-Antoville 2014
Anne Conrad-Antoville cared for her disabled mother from her pre-teens through her mid-thirties, when her mother passed away. This experience inspired Anne’s eventual work in professional aging services. Anne is currently CEO and a geriatric case manager for Champion Advocates LLC and manages Working Woman Aging Parents.
