Category Archives: Aging and Spirit

Revealing the sacredness of life through aging with grace

Compassionate Aging Series: Happiness in Aging – Mind, Body and Emotions

Every one of us is in the process of aging. How do we age in a way that is compassionate to our minds, bodies and emotions? In this interactive presentation, we will explore pathways to happiness in aging.

Join in conversation:                                                                                                      Anne Conrad-Antoville, BM, MM                                                                         CEO of Champion Advocates LLC,                                                                   Geriatric Case Management Services

Wednesday, September 30, 2015 Anne Conrad-Antoville  5:30-7:00pm

-heavy hors d’oeuvres will be served-

West Hills Village
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Please RSVP to (503) 245-7621 by Friday 9/25

Anne has been a professional aging services provider for 15 years and has been the recipient of local, state and national awards for senior health care advocacy. She has worked directly with many hundreds of older adults and their families. She has appeared as a senior services expert on radio and television news programs and has been a speaker at California Association of Area Agencies on Aging, Rotary International, California State HICAP Association, California Health Advocates, Humboldt Medical Association as well as numerous senior and community centers and local businesses.

 

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Self Compassion and Aging

Let’s be clear. Aging begins from the moment we are born.

In contemporary western society, we tend to view the aging process as positive up to a certain point. The turning point is somewhere in that upward “moving target” that counts as mid-life. From that point, we tend to view aging as a negative process and something to be fought against.

We have all become strongly influenced by advertising for a plethora of “anti-aging” products, counterbalanced with a youth-obsessed focus. Medical efforts and campaigns to cure countless conditions and diseases have been woven into our everyday experience, which can create for us a strange unspoken expectation that western medicine will someday cure us of all diseases and even overcome death itself.

We may experience unwanted reactions to these “anti-aging” and medical messages. The reactions can include unrealistic and unattainable expectations for ourselves and for those we may care for.  If our baseline is unrealistic, we can be much too hard on ourselves.

For example, for the person who is a caregiver of an older family member; guilt can become overwhelming when the older person’s health goes into decline. The flawed expectations of a treatment for aging and eventual death cannot be realized. This form of guilt can become self-debilitating and detrimental to the caregiver’s physical and mental health.

For those of us who are passing the mid-life point, our own thoughts can become self wounding and cruel as we find it increasingly difficult to fit ourselves into the a youth-based straightjacket as we age.

Moreover, other cultural conditioning can make it difficult for us to allow ourselves to be self compassionate. At a recent leadership training that I attended, the accomplished female speaker noted in an offside comment, “I have always found it easy to be compassionate for others, but difficult to be compassionate to myself.”
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Why be self compassionate about aging?

Self compassion allows us to be present in the true moment. It helps us to forgive ourselves, to heal our wounds and to appreciate our own best efforts. It allows us to be truly compassionate in our service to others. Self compassion frees us of unnecessary burdens, allowing us to age from our center of being with grace and with wonder.

© Anne Conrad-Antoville 2014

Anne Conrad-Antoville cared for her disabled mother from her pre-teens through her mid-thirties, when her mother passed away. This experience inspired Anne’s eventual work in professional aging services. Anne is currently CEO and a geriatric case manager for Champion Advocates LLC and manages Working Woman Aging Parents.

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Mellowing with Age: Myth or Truth?

As a grow older, I routinely return to questions regarding my personality: “Which personal characteristics are of me and which ones are not?” “Am I becoming the person I would have hoped to have become in my youth?”

“Am I a person I would want to be around?” “Is age mellowing me, or am I just becoming a cranky old man?”

So far, I have discovered that I have developed and refined the characteristics that I have picked up over time. Some are good and express attributes I would fondly wish to see in people close to me. Other qualities are less than desirable and not worthwhile to retain in any fashion, and I consider myself irresponsible when I perpetuate them in the world.

Just as certain stones are conglomerations of multiple minerals, I have picked up and acquired various aspects of personality that I have encountered throughout my life; some thoughtfully and others carelessly. Some I now carry due to my adaptable nature. Others I carry because life has hammered them into weak points of my armor. I have moulded both types into my persona, while time, experience and repeated use have worn them into a shape of my own fashion.

Yet I find myself left with a choice: Shall I become a stone that is smooth, well polished and highly reflective of surrounding sources of light? Or will I be a rough-edged, brittle and dull amalgamation of lesser qualities in need of further purification to reach a higher state of being?

Clearly, we make due with qualities that are presented to us over a lifetime beginning at birth. We carry with us what we choose. Some qualities are fostered consciously, while others we self-integrate with less awareness. We are presented with an endless stream of opportunities to shed what does not serve us and retain what we believe to be of use.
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What I see as essential in my life is to pay close attention to what my responses are as I am ceaselessly tumbled about in the surf of life. As I encounter situations, people and events, I shall work to repeat, reiterate and reflect only the qualities I wish to see in myself to the best of my ability. To attempt to do any less, would diminish who I am and my potential to contribute anything of worth and meaning to the world in which I live.

© Anthony Antoville 2014

Anthony Antoville is COO and geriatric case manager with Champion Advocates LLC in Portland, Oregon. He has been serving the psychosocial needs of seniors since 1991. Anthony is a published author with The Edwin Mellen Press.

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Are Popular Influences Stealing Our Real Experiences for True Aging?

During my childhood, I constantly wanted to be older than I was. I tried to hang out with the kids in the older grades, I did everything I could to be considered older than I was as to gain aged prestige and cache, I tirelessly worked to turn the eye of many a high school girl while I was in middle school, I snuck out and drove without an adult when only having a learner’s permit. These examples seem to be the typical stuff kids do in a search for more independence and greater acceptance in the world of adults.

Of course what I was attempting to do, in hindsight, was to see myself as more independent and more accepted in a wider world even if merely on the surface.

As I consider the cultural influences that surrounded me in my youth, I see how I was repeatedly told that everything would be better by being older. In many ways that concept proved to be true, because there were many aspects of life I was unable to fully experience socially, emotionally or legally until I was older.

Yet now as I turn 50, I find myself ceaseless bombarded by messages of how I and the over 50 crowd should remain 21 …forever. We are repeatedly shown and told that nothing can be better than to look, feel and even act younger than we really are!*

Is such a materialistic approach to aging the one we really want to pursue as we grow older? I fear it is one that would keep us chasing after an illusion never to be realized.

I refuse to believe that I have lived half a century to reverse my field of vision now and idealize my youth in such a way as to attempt to re-live it!

Perhaps, my peers and I are ready to search for deeper and more revealing aspects of living life without tracing over our outgrown notions of who we wanted to be.

When we try to freeze a specific segment of our earlier years lived and replay it in a repeating loop, we deny ourselves the ability to look honestly at where we are, grow more fully into who we are and venture into the future with continued wonder.

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© Anthony Antoville 2014

Anthony AntovilleAnthony Antoville is COO of Champion Advocates LLC in Portland, Oregon. He has been serving the psychosocial needs of seniors since 1991. Anthony is a published author with The Edwin Mellen Press.

 

*Forever Young: America’s Obsession With Never Growing Old
Why is America such a youth obsessed culture?
Dale Archer, MD in Reading Between the (Head)Lines, Psychology Today

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