As a grow older, I routinely return to questions regarding my personality: “Which personal characteristics are of me and which ones are not?” “Am I becoming the person I would have hoped to have become in my youth?”

“Am I a person I would want to be around?” “Is age mellowing me, or am I just becoming a cranky old man?”

So far, I have discovered that I have developed and refined the characteristics that I have picked up over time. Some are good and express attributes I would fondly wish to see in people close to me. Other qualities are less than desirable and not worthwhile to retain in any fashion, and I consider myself irresponsible when I perpetuate them in the world.

Just as certain stones are conglomerations of multiple minerals, I have picked up and acquired various aspects of personality that I have encountered throughout my life; some thoughtfully and others carelessly. Some I now carry due to my adaptable nature. Others I carry because life has hammered them into weak points of my armor. I have moulded both types into my persona, while time, experience and repeated use have worn them into a shape of my own fashion.

Yet I find myself left with a choice: Shall I become a stone that is smooth, well polished and highly reflective of surrounding sources of light? Or will I be a rough-edged, brittle and dull amalgamation of lesser qualities in need of further purification to reach a higher state of being?

Clearly, we make due with qualities that are presented to us over a lifetime beginning at birth. We carry with us what we choose. Some qualities are fostered consciously, while others we self-integrate with less awareness. We are presented with an endless stream of opportunities to shed what does not serve us and retain what we believe to be of use.
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What I see as essential in my life is to pay close attention to what my responses are as I am ceaselessly tumbled about in the surf of life. As I encounter situations, people and events, I shall work to repeat, reiterate and reflect only the qualities I wish to see in myself to the best of my ability. To attempt to do any less, would diminish who I am and my potential to contribute anything of worth and meaning to the world in which I live.

© Anthony Antoville 2014

Anthony Antoville is COO and geriatric case manager with Champion Advocates LLC in Portland, Oregon. He has been serving the psychosocial needs of seniors since 1991. Anthony is a published author with The Edwin Mellen Press.