Category Archives: Respect Between Generations

Promoting respect between elder and younger generations

Love Until the End of Life

The recent love story that has captured the hearts of millions around the globe is the one of a 62-year marriage between Maxine and Don Simpson of Bakersfield, California.

The images of Don and Maxine holding hands, while lying side-by-side in separate hospital beds, has fired imaginations and hearts everywhere.

And while The Simpsons’ genuine devotion and enduring love for each other is wonderful, it is not the striking chord to this moving story. Nor is the amazing account of how they died only four hours apart from one another with Don finally passing at the moment the family removed his beloved Maxine’s body from the room.

The real heart here is that of the family caregivers. In particular, the two granddaughters who initiated the couples reunion were able to see beyond the many significant challenges created by their grandparents’ major health issues and the consequential logistics involved in such a move and the resulting care that would be required.


A family being sensitive to the emotional and physical needs of their elders is not unique, in itself. Countless families jump in and tirelessly perform endless caregiving tasks every day. What shines through the many layers of this tale is that this family recognized what was needed at the end of these two people’s lives. It was to bring them together in a family home setting and to allow them to simply be. No more medical interventions; no self-serving grieving at the bedside. Just time together.

Melissa Sloan, one of the grandchildren, realized that her family was committed to keeping Don and Maxine together until death did them part, and she did just that.

I have seen how people often become confused when witnessing a loved one reach the end of his or her life, let alone both parents simultaneously. It is common at those last stages of the dying process for family members to become overwhelmed with their own emotional needs and lack of ease during these “real” moments of life.
They can give cialis cheap you or your partner an ejaculation at the right time. Drugs like isosorbide mononitrate and isosorbide dinitrate should be avoided as it might make you face certain side effects. viagra wholesale uk And in the day and age of constant stress and distraction we live in, it is totally understood that some of the online companies may take a lump sum from the customers and do not provide any medicine or low quality less working on line viagra. This is why we have provided a list of things they want to viagra from canada check that drugstore now achieve in life.
Understandably, many families are unable to achieve this depth of compassionate aging, because our western society and contemporary culture mostly fears death and dying and rarely permits us to take the time to allow a life to gracefully and gradually repose into its final earthly state.

However, this family discovered a way to honor the elders for whom they cared, while making the most of what precious time everyone could share together.

 

© Anthony Antoville 2014

Anthony Antoville is COO and geriatric case manager with Champion Advocates LLC in Portland, Oregon. He has been serving the psychosocial needs of seniors since 1991. Anthony is a published author with The Edwin Mellen Press.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmailFacebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail
google_pluslinkedinmailgoogle_pluslinkedinmail

Are You Your Parent’s Secret Emergency Plan?

Recently, I received a call from a gentleman in his early eighties, who was caring for his wife with dementia.

He told me, “I’m calling you, because I need an emergency plan if anything happens to me. I need someone who will come in and handle my affairs and my wife’s issues at a moment’s notice. Then my kids, who live in another state, will come and take care of my wife.”

I asked him, if his adult children were aware of this plan he had. No, he hadn’t actually discussed this plan with them, but he was sure it would be fine.

I asked why he thought it was a good plan to wait until an emergency situation to happens, before he could ask for help or let his children know of basic issues in advance. He said bluntly, “Look, I know what I need! I only want someone to be able to come in on a moment’s notice, then my kids will take care of everything.”

This exchange illustrates a common and complex issue that is happening across the country for many families with aging parents. A spouse caring for another spouse who suffers from dementia or another chronic condition will often become fatigued, burned  out and develop their own health problems brought on by stress and overwork, thus putting both elders at risk.

Often, the senior providing care will refuse help or underestimate the amount of help that is actually needed.

The adult children are often kept in the dark, while simultaneously being made part of a secret emergency plan that no one has actually examined. The secret plan is revealed only once the crisis hits, and the adult children are caught in a web of issues that are usually serious, intricate and deteriorating rapidly.

For the family members trying to help, coming in at this stage of the crisis can result in significant stress, significant time commitments and significant financial cost. It can negatively impact employment or business and overwhelm personal relationships.

Waiting to respond until a crisis hits almost always results in substantially reduced options for the aging parents and for the family caregiver. Reacting is never planning!

It seems like many a Los Angeles film school are missing out on a great opportunity – if they provided such one-on-one mentoring programs, there would possibly be a lot more stories of free samples viagra big achievements from their students. It helps to viagra 20mg in india boost sperm count, sperm motility and necrospermia are two of the important causes of male infertility. But at the same time fend off having dose more than dictated by your cheap levitra professional https://pdxcommercial.com/property/516-high-street-oregon-city-oregon-97045/ health expert. On account of an erection which goes on for over 4 hours medical consideration is sales cialis required. So, what is the best way to avoid this type of emergency crisis?

Open up the conversation with your aging parent sooner than later! Chances are, you already have a feeling that something is going wrong.

Ask your parent how things really are with questions that elicit more than simple “yes” or “no” answers. Ask how tired, stressed or overwhelmed is the parent who is providing care? What are the health and household issues? How much time, energy and work can be realistically expected of other family members, if help is needed?

How do you respond to this information and what are the next steps?

As a geriatric case manager, I highly recommend having a family meeting with a geriatric case manager. Geriatric case managers are aging professionals with broad expertise and knowledge. We can perform assessments based on multiple issues and coordinate planning and services to meet goals for the entire family. Best of all, a geriatric case manager can continue to work with the family and the senior over a period of time, providing continual monitoring, oversight, coordination and support as needed.

© Anne Conrad-Antoville 2014

Anne Conrad-Antoville is a geriatric case manager with Champion Advocates LLC in Portland, Oregon. She has spent the past 15 years of her professional career successfully troubleshooting complex issues for seniors and their families.

Facebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmailFacebooktwittergoogle_plusredditlinkedinmail
google_pluslinkedinmailgoogle_pluslinkedinmail